If you do not know where you are going, any road will take you there.

~ Lewis Caroll

Friday, August 7, 2009

Man's Best Friend

Our beloved dog, Duke, passed away Tuesday, August 4, 2009. It's honestly the most surreal thing I've ever experienced. I suppose that's because it was so unexpected. I won't go into details, but it was completely, randomly, tragic. I've been trying to snap out of my funk. I mean he wasn't a person after all. Or was he? For young singles and couples without children, pets often fill that role. They cost almost as much and demand as much attention as a child, so why should they be considered any less significant. My boss was completely in agreement, and he allowed me time off to grieve and work things out at home.

Life is going on as it always does, but it's not the same. I know one day the pain will be gone, but Duke's goofy grin will forever be with me. I still can't believe he won't be there when I get home from work, the couch covered in dog hair! The nights are so terrible. Matthew and I lay in bed thinking about him and not sleeping. It's easy to stay busy during the day, but at some point you have to stop doing and just think. I've never experienced this feeling of loss. When my childhood dog, Sassy, passed last month, it was expected. She had lived a full life of almost thirteen years. I was happy that she had been with us so long and cherish my memories of my childhood friend. My father died in 2005, and that was also not a surprising loss; he'd had some serious health issues prior and I had come to terms with him not being here for the majority of my adult life. Duke, however, was only five. I planned on my children growing up with him and loving him as much as I.

Pets can truly be man's best friend, family, support system. They love us unconditionally. Hopefully Duke is frolicking with other beloved family pets somewhere in the great beyond. I know he knows we loved him so very much.

Give all your animals a hug and extra love. They do so much for us.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Workday Blues

Do you ever just dread going to work? I know that's a stupid question--of course we all do at some point. I was so thrilled to be offered this opportunity, and I've only been working my current job since April, but I'm starting to lose some of my enthusiasm. It worries me that I'll never be fully satisfied with a job or career. Maybe because I never realized what I want to be "when I grow up." I think that's a fairly depressing thought to never decide on a dream. What do I strive for? I'm completely undecided. I'll be starting a second job, part-time with practically no pay, in September. It's with this job that I hope to realize something about myself and what direction my life may take. Perhaps I will love it and take off in that direction. Perhaps it will be just as unsatisfying as the other jobs I've had. I have inner goals and hobbies and loves, but it's difficult to create a career out of them. I want to work to live! I think that a life absorbed in corporate America isn't really living. Yet, I want to be successful and financially secure. It's a conundrum to say the least. Woe is me. My boyfriend tells me that nobody is in love with their job and it's just the way the world is. I have to strongly disagree! Someone out their is doing what they love and is eager to get up in the morning and go do it. Who are you? What are you doing? How can I find what I'm meant to be?! Well, it's back to the trenches for now.